Sunday, May 8, 2011

Faces on Facebook

This post is going to be very crisp and to the point. I am here to enumerate the various kinds of characters that Facebook unleashes within us and around(Although I would like to say "around" is a better option for me). This is just a funnier take on things in the big bad Social Network.. Here goes!

1. The Friend-er
OCD towards adding a person as a friend when finding more than 2 friends in common. Also common are friend-races where two people race to having a certain number of friends. (Fake profiles included)

2. The Sport/Movie/Music maniacs
At the drop of the whistle at Emirates stadium/Cowboys Stadium/Eden Gardens/Monza/Wimbledon/Staples Center, a flurry of updates discussing who is the God for the day. Includes Sachinists. Ardent movie buffs posting one-line reviews/full length and spoilers thus ruining it for all on the list, lay in this category. Music maniacs too find themselves holed up here. (I was one, frankly).

3. PDA-ists
Doesn't he love expressing how much emotional he was yesterday when his girlfriend left him for good/told him an OK/gave him a kiss?

4. Silku Stalkers
Experts in finding out if a person's friend-circle has babes on a perfunctory look at the first 10 people in their list. Also find out new strangers to stalk every day. Stalking is a journey they say, not a destination. Characterized by unusually large number of random pics on their desktop.

5. Angry Young Man/Woman
Is angry from the point he/she was born. Doctors took bribe to do caesarian to take him/her out; admission in KG school with 4000Rs. donation; why does Anna Hazare have thousand as his second name; why did Kalmadi spend on toilet tissues when he had only wet bathrooms? Anger, anger, anger. Also characteristic: status updates coinciding with major scam outings/fast unto death/natural calamities.

6. The Erudite Shutterbug
Owns an SLR/DSLR. Suave looks, likely working/studying in US. Two-three photo updates a week. Strategy is to get maximum likes with minimally sensible photos(and lesser sensible captions). Shortly put, a bunch of wannabes.


7. The Linen washers
Somebody forgot to tell them there are sites like Yahoo! Groups and Google Groups. Poor things.

8. Me, myself, mine
They say the caption should speak for itself. (Except if it were from Category 6) Also includes self-advertising/advertising any group which they are part of.

9. Ping me not
Perennially busy people. Characterized by taking offence when receiving a "Poke", and friend lists of 25 or less. Also characterized by response times of 5 days per message/poke.

10. Babes.
Need I say more? Statistics say half of Facebook's activity centers around centers of attraction.

11. The Outcasts
These people don't use Facebook or quit Facebook because of all the other (does not include number 10) categories. Widely considered the worst kind of screwballs by the whole world. Includes me.

Appendix:

12. Check-in syndrome
Need.to.check.in.to.toilet.
(Thanks Rahul!)

13. Network maniacs
Urban dudes who look for the best of all networks. Did you know your Yahoo account can link to Twitter, Twitter to FB, FB to Yahoo? They know it.
(Thanks Rahul!)

14. Wikilinks
They pride themselves in being the Wikipedia for all fun links. 5+ status changes per day. Typically 2 videos, 1 funny blog, 1 stolen tweet, 1 sport. Irritable at times, but they keep the world running.
(Thanks Satish!)

5 comments:

satish said...

I would add another category no 12...ppl whose posts are characterized by hyperbole's all the time

Use of words like "amazing,aweseome
lol, brilliant"

these r assholes who help increase viewership on FB..by promoting some cliched videos /audios as something special or must watches...These ppl r symbolic of how the worlds standards in evaluations have gone down to the dumps...

Srivaths said...

I will have a number 10 with a side of onion drinks and 1 large drink please :)

literarlynonsense said...

just curious what Mr. Satish has done to improve world standards?

anchal said...

very very nice blog...thx

Belly Ballot said...

Took me time to read all the comments, but I really enjoyed the article. It proved to be Very helpful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! It’s always nice when you can not only be informed, but also entertained. custom wordpress websites